A stranger just called me a rubbish parent

My Monday morning started as it always does. The children were fed, clean, dressed and had gone to School and nursery. I decided to do my food shopping this morning rather than take Noah with me later (otherwise I seem to spend so much more when his little eyes and hands accompany me…..). I gathered everything I wanted, pleased that everything was available and I didn’t need to go anywhere else on the way home. I saw one of the usual cashiers that often chats and is really friendly. She asked how the children were and I said they were great and that the’d be very excited to see the ice creams later. As I packed my car a woman approached me, I’d say a similar age to myself but I’m awful at guessing peoples ages. I had no idea who she was and assumed she was after directions for somewhere or perhaps I’d dropped something and not noticed. No. She was about to make me feel like the world’s worst Mother in the world!

The woman, in a fierce and judgy tone, told me I was buying too much junk food for my children. That I was ‘Killing them with kindness’. That I should be buying healthier snacks, not given them chocolate, crisps, ice creams and that I should be ashamed of myself for the amount of ‘rubbish’ I was packing in my car and perhaps that highlighted that I was a rubbish parent!. Shocked, I took a few minutes to process what was happening. I’d never seen this woman before in my life and here she was ranting at me about my shopping and my children! I’ll add a photo of what she was ranting about and then I’ll explain what happened next.

hj
This was some of my shopping today. This is what led to a complete stranger ranting at me in a shop car park.

Yes my shopping includes ice creams and ice pops.

Yes my shopping includes crisps, sweets and chocolate.

Yes Eliza eats chocolate cereal some days.

Eliza also loves fruit and eats some every day.

Eliza actually has a fairly good intake of food, even if limited on what she likes.

The majority of stuff in that photo is for Eliza. Which I told the woman. I also told her that…… Eliza had been ill lately and with the added tooth issue of last week, she’d dropped weight. Eliza is a slim girl anyway and she’s also a daily stimmer (flappy arms and legs) meaning she uses up a lot of energy and even on a ‘normal’ day, she needs more calories. Eliza has sensory and dietary issues and her diet is so rigid it is hard to get calories and good fat content in to her. Yes the junk food isn’t ideal but Eliza has a dietitian who agreed that for the time being, calories and building her up is a priority even if it means junk food that she’ll eat (Eliza will not eat or drink the calorie boosting milkshakes, yogurts etc so we are limited with what she will have). Even the dentist is aware of Eliza’s dietary issues but instead of judging, he just offers advice on brushing and certain toothpastes for her. As of today, Eliza is less than 2 pounds away from being classed as ‘underweight’ and looking skinnier than she ever has. I’m not killing her with kindness, I’m doing my best to help her recover and be well again. I’ll stop there because the rest of what I said included the phrase “So please take your judgy attitude and shove it………..”.

Untitled collagezazaskin
These pictures were taken just over a week apart. Even though her pose is different and her hair is up in one, you can see how much weight she lost in around 8 days. (The pink one was taken yesterday)

Eliza’s diet may be pretty crap. But we’re working with people that understand her and her issues around food. It’s not easy trying to help her maintain or gain weight when she is so limited food wise and stims , not to mention anxiety popping by often dampening her appetite. I posted some photos from the weekend sunshine fun on my private Facebook profile yesterday. I almost didn’t as even I was shocked to see her looking so thin. But I’ll do what I can to help her and I have good support helping her. School are also pretty awesome at letting me know her food and fluid intake and I’ll be in touch with the School nurse this week to as them to just be aware of everything.

Amazing how your day can start off well and soon take a dive because of a stranger. Am I a rubbish Mother? Well, I certainly feel like one this morning.

Advertisements

It’s all about Eliza

I’m a member of a lovely group that blogs weekly to various sentence prompts and ideas and I often neglect them as life gets so busy. This week I have a little time so I can join in the week’s topic. I’m supposed to be writing a list of “10 things most people don’t know about me” but I thought I’d mix it up a little and do 10 things about Eliza instead. Here they are, in no particular order…..

1. I LOVE READING…. Sadly some people assume that because I am autistic, I can’t do certain things and are often surprised when they see me reading. I read anything and I mean anything, I have read Mum’s bank statements, comic books and even a children’s Bible. My favourite books are ‘Captain Underpants’ and ‘Horrid Henry’.  I am 9 years old now and last year School told my Mummy that my reading level is around age 11 years.

2. I HAVE AN AMAZING BOND WITH MY BROTHER…. Noah is 4 and we have a lovely relationship. We are very close and we also fall out all the time like siblings often do. We love playing in the paddling pool and having water fights. I like reading stories to Noah and he likes helping me to put my shoes on which I find hard sometimes as my fine motor skills are poor. Even if we fall out, we always make up and have a hug.

2018-03-03 11.03.51
Eliza & Noah, early 2018 and looking like they are mid way through a song!

3. I LOVE UNICORNS AND MERMAIDS…. Although when I once forgot the word unicorn and I called it a ‘horny horse’ it made Mummy laugh for ages! My sensory needs mean I prefer certain clothing like loose T-Shirts, soft leggings etc. Because of the way I dress people often think I am a quite a tomboy. I am to a certain degree but I’m also quite a girly girl. My room has sequin cushions, pink walls, unicorn pictures and lots of cuddly toys but it also has my Wii U with games like Lego Batman, Minecraft, Super Mario Maker. I’m just me and this is the stuff I like.

4. I AM QUITE GOOD AT SPORTS…. I am rather good at basketball and score many hoops. I can run pretty well and fast and last year took place in the relay race at School.  Mummy laughs when she tells me about my first sports day when I was 3 years old. The gun went off and I ran in the opposite direction to everyone else, followed by a couple of teachers in hot pursuit. Recently I tried football (soccer in USA) but I wasn’t too keen. I found I enjoy cricket and was asked to join the Table Cricket Team at School. This week I took part in a Table Cricket Final on behalf of my School and we came second.

5. I DON’T LET EVERYONE IN TO MY WORLD….. I just can’t, it’s too much. I love people but I find it hard to connect with people sometimes. I’m not being rude, it’s just that I lack confidence or struggle to find stuff to talk about. Anxiety plays a huge part in this but if people are patient and meet me at my level as such, it can be pretty awesome. My School report last year stated how much my classmates looked up to me and some saw me as a role model.  I really like having friends and I have some special people in my life. Most of my friends are autistic children or adults. I seem to find myself more comfortable with others that are like me regardless of where they ‘sit’ on the Spectrum.

30550926_10156064847850985_1515796639_o
This is Chris from the Facebook page and Website named ‘Autistic Not Weird’. He is autistic also and when we are not having lightsaber fights or eating spicy chips, it seems we swap heads like in this photo…..

6. I WEAR EAR DEFENDERS TO BED…. I find it really hard to switch off at night and I have such amazing hearing that I need them to help me close off my mind and settle for sleep. They are nice padded ones so they don’t hurt my ears. They really help me though. Sometimes I need reminding that they can make me forget how loud I am talking because I can’t hear my own voice properly when they are on my ears…. or so Mummy tells me at 3am when I wake her and I’m ‘talking’ to her about Christmas Songs I love!

7. I LOVE FRUIT… Strawberries, bananas and blueberries are my favourite. Sometimes Mummy has to hide the fruit so I don’t eat too much and get a sore tummy. Strawberries taste even better under a mountain of squirty cream….. just saying.

8. I HAVE A HUGE FAMILY….. I already mentioned Noah. I really love my Mummy and Daddy. I have 2 sets of grandparents and lots of Uncles and Aunties, cousins….  I come from a very large family. Mummy is one of seven children and Daddy is one of four. I’m not sure I could count every family member, there are so many. Sometimes we talk to my Uncle and Aunty in Australia via the laptop. They send me things with my name on like cushion covers or door plaques because my name is quite popular there.

9. I KNOW STUFF ABOUT HARRY POTTER… My mummy talks about it so much that when my speech started to come back when I was 4, I was saying the alphabet one day like ‘A is for Apple, B is for Ball….’ and when I got to Q I announced that Q is for Quidditch! Mummy had to pull the car over and wipe a tear of pride from her eye. Some of her favourite shops sell lots of Harry Potter themed clothing so……..

HarryPotterEliza
#QuidditchMuggleFromAzkaban

10. I LOVE GOING TO THE CINEMA AND THEATRE…. It’s taken me a long time to gain control over my anxiety. It’s taken a lot of love, patience, support and understanding from everyone around me. I am grateful I was never overly forced to do things, I was nudged gently and supported to try things when I was ready. Because of this my confidence grew and I learnt to take control of some feelings that were holding me back. Last year I went to the theatre for the first time in years and loved it. I’ve been a couple of times since. On New Years Day I announced out of the blue that I wanted to go to the cinema to see Lego Ninjago…. I’d not been in a cinema for over 4 years so Mummy took me and I loved it. I learnt that I can do these things and they are not scary. Mummy learnt something too…. never to ask me “Do you want anything” because suddenly she found herself carrying pringles crisps, haribo sweets, a rainbow mixed slushie and a hot dog as my film snacks!!

 

Thank You for reading. I’ve written this as if Eliza was writing it. She has sat here with me and I read it out to her and she’s laughed at some stuff and told me to add certain bits so she’s been involved well.

This was a listicle prompt from ‘Finish the sentence Friday’ group hosted by the fabulous Finding Ninee and Sporadically Yours